Wed 29th April 2009

On extremely rare occasions, we have touring artistes who insist on closing all the doors around the auditorium, banishing all staff from entering the room with a signs along the lines of “Soundcheck in progress – No entry”. I haven’t a problem with this per se, as the only inconvenience to me is that it takes longer to walk the lengths of the corridors around the auditorium in order to get to the toilet. It’s just that I don’t understand why it’s such a big deal. In fact it just seems rude to banish venue staff, who spent hours of their efforts helping your show to happen in the first place, from their own place of work.

Insisting everyone leaves just to play a song or two (which is just the job of a professional musician after all), seems silly when one remembers the same room will be populated with over a thousand people in a couple of hours time. And like I say – musicians are only there to do a job, in the same way that we are only there to do a job. If I insisted that colleagues left the room before I’d be willing to send an email, I wouldn’t imagine myself in employment for very long. And if I walked in to someone else’s workplace and tried to send everyone out so I could send an email on one of their computers, I’d fully expect to be escorted off the premises. But some musicians think they’ve a right to practise double standards. And such demands just make them look arrogant; like they’re imposing some sort of “legendary” status upon themselves. But ironically, it is only ever non-legendary artistes who make such insistences; the type of act that you’d rather gouge your own ears out than have to hear them play their instruments irrespective of how many people are in a room.

And that’s another problem - a closed door with a sign stuck does not tend to mask the noise of a theatre-auditorium sized amplification unit. If you work in the same building, you’ve no choice but to be subjected to their cacophonies! From my office, I can still hear every note being played. And this is often rather to my chagrin, since I have to make phone calls over that bloody row, for God sake.

When they’ve finished their soundcheck, maybe I should take my mobile phone and stand just outside their dressing room, talking really really loudly. See how THEY like it.