Sat 28th Feb 2009

Today I made a great compilation album. It is brilliant. A good compilation album is not easy – it takes a lot of careful skill, harnessed over years and years. But because I am a generous chap, I am willing to share some of my wisdom and expertise with you. Here are a few handy rules and pointers:-
· The perfect compilation should be longer than 38 minutes and shorter than 47 and a half. Be concise. You don’t want to bore your audience with over indulgence. Even though it is a redundant format, the compilation should be approximately the length of one side of a C90 cassette. Of course, it is ok to start off with a long list of songs. Choosing from a wide song-base shows you have applied more thought. They can always be whittled down to the best material.

· To reiterate the last point (seriously - I can’t emphasise it enough), DO NOT exceed 47 and a half minutes. If you insist on economically maximising the use of a single 74-80 minute CD, your compilation should be treated as two separate halves with a 7 to 10 second gap between the two, so they are clearly divided.

· The best track on any compilations should always be track number 9. Don’t ask me why - it just always is. Maybe the positioning is something to do with keeping the listener’s interest. Or perhaps it is to prevent the compilation from being ‘top heavy’ (like so many contemporary albums nowadays) with all the best tracks put on really early. Who cares what the reason is. It is not our job to question the compilation album Gods – only to oblige their wishes.


· Always consider the context of consummation. This should form the ‘mood’ or ‘theme’ of the compilation (eg. You might want some ethereal songs for late night motorway driving, but these would not necessarily suitable for a youngster’s birthday party). Ordering is very important. Each song should be able to run smoothly into the next one without sounding jarring. For many non-musicians, this is difficult skill to master (very much adopted via a ‘trial and error’ procedure), and ignorance and inexperience spoils many a compilation. (TIP - Close your eyes and imagine a facial expression which would best represent the mood of the current song. Hold that face. Now play the song you intend to follow it with. Once again, try and summarise the listening experience by pulling a new face which you feel best embodies this song. How do your facial muscles feel when moving from one track to the next? If the face-shift feels too dramatic, you will probably need to think about revising your track-list).

· Compilations can be excellent ways to crow-bat odd singles, mp3s and B-sides you own into an ‘album format’. It is a great to accessorise oft-neglected gems from your record collection– however, it is also very easy to fall into the trap of turning your compilation into a collection of ill-fitting ’odds and sods’. Believe me, this type of compilation will soon become redundant.

· There are certain songs which should not be considered for inclusion if you are an amateur compiler. These include live tracks or songs with segue-ways which cause a sudden stop when used in isolation from the context of their original album. Also, be sure to avoid songs of impaired quality. Putting such tracks together will make your project sound unprofessional and badly edited. Only consider doing so if you are competent in ‘editing’ software and can combat any abruptness through the creation of your own fades and mixes.

· Ensure that a consistent volume is maintained throughout the album. I can’t believe how frequently this schoolboy’s error occurs. You do not want to be struggling to hear one minute, then jumping out of your skin the next. A little care now will save you from an irritating ‘noise minefield’ forever more.

· Be sure to map your compilation out on notepaper using charts, graphs and test runs. Live with different track orders for a while before committing your selection to CD or tape. As you listen through, ask yourself; are there are any songs you feel a desire to skip? If so, you have not got your compilation quite right yet. Repeat this step until the compilation evolves to a satisfactory level.

· Once your CD is burned, always apply thought to a suitable title (there’s no point in rushing and spoiling all your hard work). Favour names that are functional and memorable. It should go without saying - never use the word “Tunez” in the title, or [your name’s] car compilation. These types of names are crass and are frequently used by young working class teenagers who care little for music as an art-form.

· Once you have achieved your perfect compilation, give yourself a pat on the back. The sense of satisfaction should temporarily have filled the aching void of pointlessness in your existence.