Thu 2nd April 2008

Working in the cut n’ thrust of the music industry can certainly make for an exciting life. You never know what’s round the corner. For all I know, at some point this year I could be rubbing shoulders with Radiohead. Obviously when I use the phrase ‘rubbing shoulders’, I am not implying that in a literal sense. I doubt very much that the joint Radiohead & Days of Enlightenment Massage Parlour partnership will come into fruition anytime soon. No matter how many times I propose the idea, they just keep ignoring my emails. Some people millionaire rockstars are just plain rude.

However do not let me delude you. Such moments of such high-profile glamour are few and far between. For instance, on a more typical day like today, I will get offered bands like Five Star. They were a British pop band from the eighties, comprised of brothers and sisters. Although they had quite a few successful singles and albums, you may very well be unfamiliar with them. And this is the precise reason I am likely to opt against booking them. I’m not sure many people would want to come to see Five Star nowadays. Not even two-fifths of the band even wish to see Five Star anymore; as according to their Wikipedia entry there are only three of them now. Strictly speaking they should probably rename themselves Three Star. But then, from an image-preserving point of view, this would appear like there had been a decline in quality. It is an awkward name to compromise on and one can certainly understand why it is best not to tamper with the conceptual ‘star-rating’ system. Especially when embarking upon a season performing at Butlins. Which apparently, they have recently done.

It may seem easy to pour derision on the fact the band have been playing Butlins, but surely there are worse venues in the world. Take Kiki Dee & Carmelo Luggeri for instance. This was another show I was offered today.

You may remember Kiki Dee as being Elton John’s sidekick on the Number 1 single, “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart”, whilst Carmello has performed and recorded with a wide variety of artists including Andy Williams, Paul Rogers, Kenny Jones, Phil 'Animal' Taylor (from Motorhead I must stress, not the darts player), Chris Rea and Ralph McTell. Yet according to their tour page, they are scheduled to play the Maidstone Pizza Express.

Now, I cannot confess to ever having been to the Maidstone Pizza Express. For all I know, it could be a very nice venue, in which pizzas play a very small role in the proceedings. Or it could be awful; like some small late night take-away in which Kiki attempts to warble to late night drunken revellers from the other side of the counter. I simply don’t know. But I’ve no reason to wish any malice or ill regard. It might have a really good production and hospitality set-up; a nice PA system, a first class lighting rig, some nice dressing rooms; like I say, I am no authority on the place so I couldn’t tell you what it’s like. Although I suspect I know what the venue’s hospitality catering might consist of.

May I emphasise again, it is not my intention to pour scorn or derision on these careers. In any case, I am in no position even if I wanted to. Five Star may not be threatening the hit parade much nowadays, but it mustn’t be forgotten that 1.2 million people once paid for copies of their album “Silk and Steel” in this country alone. This blog has been logged into a mere 1,500 times. And yet you don’t even have to pay a single penny to come and look at this shite!