I had to stay late at work tonight. There were some people who wanted to view the hall, and could not make it before 7.30pm, so I offered to hang on for a couple of hours because I’m rather nice. Typically my appointment turned up late, which made me feel like my good nature was being stretched. Additionally, it transpired that there were so many different people arriving for the viewing that it took ages to get them round the hall, as they’d keep stopping to chat and debate between themselves about their proposed event in punishing detail. I certainly did not foresee myself leaving work after half eight, but that’s exactly what happened.
In the end, I had to drop subtle hints by passing odd comments such as, “Oh well, better push on, otherwise my dinner’s in the dog.” just to hurry them up a little.
The Chinese whisper effect of “dinners in the dog” comment soon morphed around the collective and was soon being interpreted that my wife (who I haven’t got) had thrown my dinner in the bin. Should this strange assumption that I was married been taken as a compliment? I can’t really tell. At least I do not visibly exhude an air of being lonely and desperate I suppose. Or maybe I do, and that’s why they’d assumed I was married.
I am rubbish at the whole being complimented thing anyway. Never been able to trust them, to be honest. When I finally got the gaggle to the door ready to leave, one of them commented, “You look like you’ve lost a bit of weight since I last saw you.”
Now – although probably well intended - that’s actually the worst possible thing you can possibly say to a chronic hypochondriac! Rather than interpreting this as a good thing, I immediately started questioning why the comment had been chosen. My gym regime has slackened of late. I have been eating more desserts than ever. I’m drinking Guinness like a fish (not that fish drink Guinness- it would be like cannibalism with all them finings). What could possibly have bought on such weight loss? The only rational explanation I could think of was that I was succumbing to some sort of terminal illness.
At least it gave me something to dwell on when I finally got back home.
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